The Long Walk Home

This is going to be a relatively short post as quite frankly I can remember very little of what happened. But I was walking home with a  few friends and it felt like someone was following me. Now this doesn't sound so bad but it is, you start looking for who's following you, jumping at every shadow, every car that drives past is terrifying. I even started to stop trusting my friends. That's the extent of what I can remember but according to my friends I was also talking to myself, I can only assume that this was in reaction to voices I was hearing But I do not know.

Everyone I know and talk to about this stuff is convinced that alcohol is a major trigger for me adn after this little episode I am starting to think it may be, there fore I am starting a t-total regime from now on in the hope that my symptoms will recede even just a little.

The Night Down The Pub

A few night's ago I went to the pub with a few friends. This is usually one of my favourite activities but this time I was very stressed for a number of reasons. First of all I was overly worried about Patch, which causes me a great deal of stress and probably triggered the rest of the symptoms I experienced that night. 

We were seated next to a large group who were being very loud. Now I couldn't make out what they were saying but I knew that they were talking about me. This was disconcerting and with the worrying about Patch on top of this I was quite distressed. 

It';s then I started to experience what is known as a Fregoli delusion. Which is where you believe people are around you are actually someone else in disguise. In my case I thought that all the women were a friend of mine. Now this wasn't particularly distressing but it was very confusing, I spent a while trying to figure out how she was getting around so quickly before I realised that it must not of been real. 

The fourth and final thing is probably the most difficult to explain. In the simplest form all I can say is that the light seemed "solid". It felt liek I could reach out and touch the light, not the light bulbs but the light coming from them. I'm probably not doing a good job of explaining it but it is was it is. 

In the end I ended up telling a close friend what was going on and he helped me through it, so I guess the message of this post is not to underestimate the help a good friend can be. 

Missing Patch . . .

So it's been a while since I've seen Patch. This is a worrying turn of events, I worry that something has happened to him. I'm getting urges to go out looking for him in the dead of night, and every dog I see reminds me of him. They all carry something about Patch with them . . . I can't quite put my finger on it though, It's like as if Patch is hiding in these other dogs, And if I just find the right dog he would turn back into Patch. This leads to more urges to take these dogs in the vain hope one of them is actually Patch - It feels like a twisted game of hide and seek. I'm managing to resist these urges but it is difficult, I see my care co-ordinator in 2 days and I hope she will be able to help . . .