So, I thought I would expand a little on my crisis the other night, even though I'm now unsure whether I was really in crisis as it was so minor compared to some crises I've been through. In my post the other night I mentioned that I was getting messages through the music I was listening to.
This is true to some extent, although I think codes is a more appropriate word than messages as it wasn't making any sense. It's very difficult to explain but it felt as if certain words I was hearing held a significance to me and my life. This is something that doctors call delusions of reference.
I get delusions of this type quite a lot. Sometimes I can crack the code and I receive the message I was meant to get and other times I can't and it remains a garbled conversation in my head. Usually the source of these delusions are language sources such as books, newspapers, TV, radio, music etc. but if it gets really bad it can be other sources. for example I was thought there was a message hidden in the position of the stars and clouds in the sky, and the patterns in my bathroom floor.
Sometimes I think that maybe there really is someone trying to communicate with me and that the medications are stopping them from reaching me. And in a way, who's to say there isn't?